Mr Queen
by Bluest-of-Jayys
Summary: It's been one hell of a night for Tino. A sticky situation lands him in the strong, muscular arms of a mysterious drag queen and her posse of weirdoes living over the convenience store on the edge of Chinatown, and Tino can't help but be a little interested in his stiletto-wearing savior. SuFin with DenNor and HongIce on the side.
1. Chapter 1

**TW for very vague description of rape, just in case.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Tino woke up to the fantastic and annoying sounds of "Gimme Gimme Gimme" playing in an unfamiliar apartment. He was alone and facedown in a stranger's bed and his head felt like it had been run over by a car; these were two sure signs for worry. _What the fresh hell happened last night?_ he shakily pulled himself to his knees. At least he was still wearing his clothes; that eliminated one of his worries already. _Who the hell keeps playing ABBA music?_

"Pipe down out there!" he hollered, burying himself face-first in a pillow with his butt in the air.

Footsteps heralded the arrival of the apartment's mysterious owner, holding a spoon and smelling of pancake batter. Upon seeing Tino's position, he coughed to hide his embarrassment. That sure was a nice butt. "Y' called?"

Tino peeked out from under the pillow. Whoever this stranger was, he sure was a looker. "You're damn right I did," he groaned, "what's the point of playing ABBA at this time of day?"

"It's one in th' afternoon," replied the stranger, "glad to see yer okay." He sat on the edge of the bed, still holding the spoon.

Tino looked him up and down and mustered a grin. "I don't know who you are, but boy, I'm glad I woke up in _your_ bed," he winked, then immediately regretted the action because his head began to pound again. "Ow, ow, ow… what the hell did we do last night?"

"M' name's... Berwald," the stranger said quietly, "Y' might know me as somethin' else, though."

"Like 'Big Daddy' or something like that?"

Berwald sighed. "Y' really don't remember?"

Tino shook his head.

"Well," shrugged Berwald, "come 'n have some pancakes, anyway."

**XxX**

Berwald's apartment was located above a small convenience store, and judging from what he saw from the windows, Tino assumed he was somewhere in or near Boston's Chinatown. Odd, because Berwald was just as white as he was, and so were the two men cuddling on the couch in the living room.

"Mathias, Lukas," Berwald pointed out, "This is Tino."

Mathias rose from his seat. He was almost as tall as Berwald and just as well-built, but carried himself with a swaggering stride that made Tino wonder whether he was a car salesman or something. "Hey, good morning!" he clapped Tino on the shoulder, causing him to wince. "Looks like you're doin' good, eh? How's your head?"

"Hurts," replied Tino.

They were joined by Lukas, who daintily rested his chin on Mathias's shoulder. "Makes sense," said Lukas, whose svelte form was accentuated by thoughtful, sleepy eyes, making him look like some sort of fairy. "You've been roofied, friend."

"Aw frick, come on!" snapped Tino, "no wonder I remember jack shit!" Looking around at the three men, all taller and stronger than him, he immediately felt his stomach sink to the ground in fear. "Was it you guys…?"

"No way."

"Hell no! No no no!"

"Do we look like that type of people?" Lukas said, "You really don't remember, huh?"

"I'd remember if someone fricken told me," grumbled Tino.

"We could tell you anything and you'd believe it," Lukas shrugged, "just have some of Berwald's pancakes and we'll fill in the rest."

Mathias piped up, "Yeah, I swear to God those pancakes are magic! Hangover cures! Imagine the money we could make off of those…" His thoughts were cut off by a light smack to his cheek, courtesy of Lukas. Tino looked at his feet as Mathias laughed and kissed the hand that had just hit him. These people seemed nice enough, and he hadn't been drugged by them, and he really wanted to try some of these magic pancakes, so what did he have to lose? He shuffled over to the dining table, only to find it covered in glitter, makeup, and feather boas. A pair of shiny red pumps lay overturned under one of the chairs.

"Uh, guys?" he asked, "Is there anyone else living here?"

"Lukas's brother Emil," replied Berwald, coming into the room with a plate of piping hot pancakes, "but he's always with th' Asian family who runs th' convenience store downstairs…" his voice trailed off as he noticed the mess on the dining table.

"So no women?" Tino cocked his head and looked at Berwald, brilliant violet eyes burning into Berwald's blue-greens.

Berwald made a high-pitched squeak, set the pancakes down on the counter, and hastily cleared the mess of wigs, feathers, and makeup into a large trash bag, which he dumped on Mathias's lap.

"Y' saw nothin'," he growled. Tino would have found it sexy if it weren't so threatening. He sat down and let himself be offered a serving of Berwald's supposedly magic pancakes, drizzled with syrup. He took a bite, the fluffiness and flavor making him swoon.

"Good?" asked Berwald expectantly.

"Orgasmic," replied Tino, taking another bite as Berwald blushed into his hand. All of a sudden, his chewing stopped and his eyes widened. "Oh my God," he whispered.

"You remember now?" Lukas asked.

Tino nodded.

**XxX**

Only single losers with no lives went to gay bars alone on Tuesday nights, and Tino Väinämöinen happened to be a single loser.

The music was loud and the crowd was large, but it was no Friday night. It was still small enough that, if asked to pick anyone out of the crowd by looks alone, Tino could have done so. There was a large man in a beige suit sitting three stools to the right of Tino and his vodka, and two very large and muscular drag queens sat two stools to his left, conversing with the bartender, a svelte and fairylike man who seemed to be about Tino's age. Tino watched as one of the drag queens kissed the bartender's hand, leaving bright red lipstick on his knuckles. The bartender pinched the drag queen's cheek tenderly and returned to filling orders as the red drag queen sent him fluttery glances.

It must have been nice, being in love like that.

The man in the beige suit had now occupied the second stool to Tino's right, and Tino could see that he was drinking the same thing he was.

"Vodka, huh?" called Tino, holding up his glass, "you've got good taste there, mister."

The man in the beige suit turned to face him and smiled, chubby cheeks pushed to firmness by the action. A blush spread across his face, which only served to accentuate how childlike he seemed. That childishness was offset by the man's large nose, and the contrast made him attractive in an unorthodox way. The man in the beige suit moved to the seat next to Tino and replied, "It's good, isn't it?"

"I like vodka," he took another sip before asking, "what brings you here to a bar on a Tuesday night?"

The Man In The Beige Suit shrugged and looked into his glass. "Just a little bit lonely. Going to the bar makes me feel even lonelier, though."

"Aww, that's depressing!" laughed Tino, "it's okay, though. I'm here for the same reason. Maybe we can be lonely together."

"I'd like that," replied The Man In The Beige Suit.

As they conversed, Tino began to feel dizzy and nauseous. This couldn't be. He'd only had, like, one drink, and he knew from experience that he could hold his alcohol better than that. He collapsed onto The Man In The Beige Suit's shoulder, not noticing that the drag queens and the bartender had now turned their full attention towards them.

"He's had a little too much to drink," The Man In The Beige Suit called towards the onlookers, "I'll take him home."

But The Man In The Beige Suit didn't take Tino home. Instead, he took him to a black SUV parked in the corner of the lot, shoved his drugged ass into the back seat, and proceeded to take off his pants.

Tino could barely register what was happening. Fear seized him and he tried to punch away his attacker, but his limbs felt like lead and he only succeeded in gently swiping at his face. _I'm gonna die,_ he realized. Panic coursed through him and he kicked, but his pants were hanging around his ankles and all he really managed to do was trap himself further.

Then suddenly, The Creep In The Beige Suit was gone and replaced by the two drag queens he'd seen in the bar. One of them wielded a bright red stiletto, which she used to beat up The Creep in The Beige Suit, and the other helped Tino out of the car and back into his pants with large, gentle hands. Tino's fingers curled into her blue feather boa and he leaned his face into her neck.

"Yer safe now," she said, strong arms lifting him into the air.

She smelled like alcohol and flowers. Tino blacked out.

**XxX**

"I remember everything now," Tino breathed, dropping his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter, "That creep in the beige suit, he tried to… urp… and these two large and angry drag queens saved my life… Oh my god, it's like being saved by angels or something!" His eyes widened as he began to connect the dots. "You guys!" he turned to Lukas, Mathias, and Berwald. "Lukas, you're the bartender, and Mathias and Berwald, you guys are the large and angry drag queens?"

"By night," grinned Mathias. Berwald simply blushed and looked away. He preferred to be known as the "large and demure" one. Mathias reached under Tino's chair and picked up one of the red stilettos. "This is the shoe that did the magic, kid," he let Tino admire his stiletto. "No keepsies, though. I need that back."

"So… Are you guys gay?" Tino asked hopefully, giving Mathias his shoe.

Berwald couldn't help but feel that question had been directed at him, and he smiled inwardly.

"Well, you have your straight drag queens and your gay drag queens and your bisexual drag queens and your pansexual drag queens and your in-between drag queens and… urp!" Mathias's explanation was cut off by Lukas capturing his lips in a kiss.

"He's bi. I'm not. We're both taken," Lukas said simply, "We're not that sure what Berwald is, but who really cares about labels when someone makes magic hangover-cure pancakes?"

"Makes sense," Tino nodded.

"Besides," continued Lukas, "he's been stumbling over his feet all morning thinking of you, which eliminates one of the possibilities."

"I think I hit on him when I woke up," Tino took another bite of pancake.

Berwald could feel his face blazing as Mathias began to laugh. "This is what happens when ya do good things, brother! Karma drops a cute guy in your lap!"

Having finished his pancakes, Tino stood up and turned to Berwald. He looked like your average hot guy, about as far from a drag queen as anyone could get. He sure was cute though, all flustered and blushing. _I bet he's a freak in bed_, Tino thought, licking his lips,_ it's always the nice ones._ Quickly recomposing himself, Tino touched Berwald's arm. "Thanks for the pancakes," he said sweetly, "and thank you all for saving me last night," his flirty disposition faded, replaced by sincere gratitude. "Like, I don't know what to say… Is there anything I can do to repay you guys?"

_Go on a date with me, cutie,_ Berwald wanted to say, but he held back. Curse this damn shyness of his. It was honestly excruciating.

Instead, it was Lukas who spoke. "I like coffee," he said with a small smile, "especially from that place near Kenmore Square."

"Coffee sounds good," agreed Mathias, "what's yer say, Berwald? Ya barely said a word all morning!"

Steeling himself, Berwald was finally able to look up at Tino. "I like coffee," he answered.

Tino smiled. "Coffee it is, then."

* * *

**AN: It's been my dream to be saved from a hairy situation by angry drag queens.  
I haven't been feeling very confident about my writing recently, but that's not stopping me. I'm not sure how long it'll be, but I'm sure it'll be, but I'm sure I'll have some fun with it. :)  
And, y'know, SuFin. You can't not have SuFin.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

They scheduled their thank-you coffee date for the upcoming Saturday at eleven AM sharp, and Lukas even accompanied Tino to pick up his car and get him home. Meanwhile, Berwald and Mathias stayed in their apartment to clean up the array of drag items that Berwald had so unceremoniously dumped into a garbage bag.

Normally, as a drag queen, Berwald was proud of how fabulous he was. When he donned the pretty dresses of his alter-ego Madame Susanne, the sexiness and confidence he couldn't exude as himself came out smoothly. But Tino had thrown that into a giant muddle.

That night at the bar, Madame Susanne had been checking Tino out, which was actually how she and Mathias, also known as Lady Ann-Kolette, had saved Tino's life. Both Ann-Kolette and Lukas had been goading Madame Susanne to go talk to Tino, to make some conversation with the pretty man, but she had simply hid behind her long blonde wig and watched from afar. Something about Tino's demeanor both intimidated and intrigued her: it was the way he smiled. Written in Tino's smile was every single thing about him: his happiness, his sadness, his loneliness, his excitement… it was both beautiful and terrifying. When she had first seen Tino, she wasn't just looking at a pretty face, but a lonely man at a bar on a Tuesday night with the wasted potential to light up someone's world. From the get-go, Madame Susanne saw him as a person with something more to him than the average silly drunk that she sometimes flirted with, and it confused her. Madame Susanne did not like to be confused.

The moment The Creep In The Beige Suit had absconded with Tino's unconscious body, she launched herself after them almost instinctively, and she couldn't help but feel proud of herself for that. But then what? Madame Susanne had gone back to being poor, sweet, scared Berwald, taking any remaining shred of charisma with her and leaving him stumbling over his feet throughout the morning.

Getting to know Tino a little bit better had been the worst part, because the more he learned about Tino, the more he wanted to know, and Berwald knew in his heart that he would soon be head-over-heels for the sweet young man if he wasn't already. Tino's interest in him had made it both better and worse. The man sent Berwald into a complicated duality, which he tried to forget by cleaning house. He was in the middle of scolding Mathias about keeping his shoes neat when Emil, the youngest member of the household and Lukas's brother, came into the apartment.

"The hell have you been, kiddo?" Mathias asked incredulously, "ya've been out since like, last night!"

Emil shrugged. "I slept over at Leon's. I thought I told Lukas where I'd been."

"And he didn't tell me?" Mathias huffed, "you're sleeping with that shady Asian kid, aren't you?"

Berwald promptly smacked Mathias upside the head. "Glad yer back, kiddo," he said, ruffling Emil's hair, "there's pancakes in th' kitchen if y' want one."

"Will you guys stop calling me 'kiddo'? I'm sixteen, y'know…" Emil's voice trailed off as he saw the remaining mess around him. "The hell happened here? And where's Lukas?"

As if on cue, Lukas returned to the apartment. "I'm here," he announced.

"How'd it go?" asked Mathias, who had recovered from his minor head injury.

"He asked for Berwald's number," replied Lukas, "I gave it to him."

Berwald could have sworn his heart stopped for a second. "Ya did _what?_" he exclaimed.

"Aw, Luke, that's rad!" grinned Mathias, high-fiving his boyfriend as Berwald silently burned in embarrassment.

"Calm down, Berwald," Lukas held up his hands to get Berwald to relax, "you saved his life, he thinks you're hot, and you get free coffee out of this. What's there to lose?"

"My pride 'n dignity," Berwald replied curtly, his face deepening in color.

"Don't worry, we'll be there too. Tino invited all of us, remember?" said Lukas.

Mathias coughed into his hand. "Actually, I have… A thing on Saturday," he lied, casting a sidelong glance at Lukas and surreptitiously nudging him with his elbow.

Catching onto Mathias's hint and being a far better liar, Lukas added, "Oh, yeah, I just remembered that I've got a doctor's appointment at that time as well."

"Um, yeah," stuttered Mathias, "I told Emil I was gonna drive him and Leon on a date."

"What the fuck, Matt?" Emil interjected, "we live in the middle of fuckin' Boston, there's a T stop like a block away from here."

"_I'm driving you and Leon,_" hissed Mathias. Emil simply threw his arms up in frustration and went to his room.

Berwald sighed. "'M not stupid, guys. Yer all shitty liars. What's the big deal?"

Exchanging guilty glances at each other, Lukas and Mathias sighed in unison. "Look," said Lukas, "I've known you since we were kids, Berwald. How old are you now? 26? You're already a man with a job. You got those on your own. You can go on a date on your own too."

Berwald shrugged. "I dunno," he said lamely, "We just met. Don't want t' risk fuckin' it up."

Mathias shot him a stern look. "What is there ta fuck up? He was droolin' all over ya, man!" He let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, Berwald, I love ya. You're my brother from another mother. But ya can't keep doing this! Ya doubt everyone who's ever been interested in you, all because of what? You're a huge chickenshit?" Noticing Berwald was about to raise his fist, he grabbed it and forced him to remain still. "Berwald, you're one hell of a rad guy when you've got a feather boa on, but ya can't stay like this, hiding behind glitter and makeup, y'hear?"

Berwald tore away from Mathias's grip and glared at him and Lukas. "Yer all assholes," he seethed, turning on his heel and stalking off into his room.

Lukas watched him leave. "Smooth move, asshole," he said quietly.

Emil, who had been watching through a crack in his door, finally spoke up. "There was like, an entire novel between the lines here. What the hell happened while I was out?"

"Sit tight, kiddo," sighed Mathias, "it's a long story."

**XxX**

Far from the drama, Tino reentered his own spacious apartment in Kenmore Square. His head still hurt a little bit, but he was giddy enough for it to not matter because the worst night of his life had suddenly become the best morning ever.

Like, holy shit. Berwald was smokin' something fierce, and it seemed that Berwald thought the same way about Tino.

Clutching at his phone, with its addition of a new number, Tino wondered how long he had to wait before he was allowed to text Berwald. Did the three-day rule apply to someone saving you from creepy bar patrons? He decided that it didn't, and willed himself to calm down before opening a new message.

Better yet, it was probably more polite to call his savior and say a couple of words. Maybe it wasn't the best time to go crazy with the innuendoes; Berwald had seemed a little put-off by Tino hitting on him that morning. Yeah, being polite was the way to go. Then Tino could move on from there.

_He's sweet and he saved my life,_ he reasoned, _I've gotta treat him right._ He dialed Berwald's number and pressed talk.

Meanwhile, Berwald was sulking in his room, organizing his clothing while stewing in his anger towards Lukas and Mathias when his cell phone rang. The number on the screen was unfamiliar, but Berwald was 100% sure about who it belonged to. "Hullo," he greeted, "This Tino?"

"Hey, yeah!" Tino replied excitedly, "Lukas gave me your number."

"Yup," said Berwald.

"Well, uh," continued Tino, "I just wanted to say thanks again for last night. I wouldn't be safe and sound at my place if it weren't for you guys."

"T'was th' right thing t' do," Berwald answered, "glad ya made it home safe."

"Also, I wanted to apologize," added Tino, "I kinda hit on you the moment I woke up like the horny dumbass I am. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

Berwald froze.

Tino tried again. "Hello?"

"Uh, yea," Berwald answered. Thank God that he was on the phone with Tino, lest he see how red his face was. "Not a big deal. Kinda liked it," he admitted quietly, but enough so Tino could hear.

"You sure?" Tino asked, his voice heavy and seductive, "'cause I might do it more. You're _really_ attractive. Like, fierce."

Despite the embarrassment he felt, Berwald's pride swelled at Tino's compliments. He'd never been described as "fierce" before. "Thank ya," he said, a small smile gracing his lips. In the ensuing bit of awkward silence, he glanced at the sparkly blue feather boa he held in his hand. _Madame Susanne wouldn't let it drop here,_ he assured himself, _she'd give him a taste of his own flirty medicine._ Steeling himself, Berwald added shyly, "mebbe we could go on a date sometime."

Giving Tino a taste of his own medicine seemed to do wonders, as he squealed so loudly on the other end of the line that Berwald almost dropped his cell phone. A small crash and a series of foreign curse words followed, and when Tino returned to the land of coherency, he was breathing hard.

Berwald dropped the coy act, his voice shaking with worry. "Th' hell happened? Y'okay?"

"Fine, everything's fine," Tino laughed lightly, "Just got a little too excited. I knocked over a lamp."

_Over dating me?_ Berwald couldn't help but find it irresistibly cute and forgot to reply. Tino's voice shook him out of his reverie.

"Well, I should clean up the mess I just made, haha," he sighed, remnants of laughter still coloring his voice, "guess I'll see you Saturday. Don't be a stranger!"

Berwald uttered a "see you too," and hung up before tossing his phone on his pillow, dropping face-first onto his bed, and giggling into his sheets.

**XxX**

As Tino righted the lamp and swept the pieces of the broken bulb into a dustpan, he couldn't help but smile giddily. Before the phone call, he wasn't sure that his day could get any better, but now it just had!

He tossed the broken bulb pieces in the trash, unplugged the lamp, and replaced the bulb. _It's all planned out,_ he thought with a grin, _we'll hang out during that coffee thing, get to know each other a little better, then go on an actual, factual date. It's foolproof! _

It wasn't wrong to say he was enamored by his savior; who wouldn't be smitten with someone so adorably hot? Berwald's being a drag queen only interested Tino more; there was much more to him than met the eye, and he wanted to know what that was. Berwald's shyness didn't deter him, either. In fact, Tino found the trait quite endearing.

What he felt wasn't Love, no, not just yet. But it had the potential to be, given that Tino made the right moves and that Berwald reciprocated.

_I guess I just have to wait and see how Saturday plays out first,_ Tino chuckled to himself.

**XxX**

Berwald emerged from his room, a completely rejuvenated man, to find Emil in the kitchen ripping open two boxes of Hotpockets. Mathias and Lukas were nowhere to be found.

"Who're those for, kiddo?" he asked, shuffling up to join Emil at the counter. The Hotpockets were chicken broccoli flavored. He _really_ hoped one of those was for him.

Emil shoved the Hotpockets in the microwave and set the timer. "All of us," he shrugged, "Lukas said he'd give me a bag of M&M's if I made the family Hotpockets."

"Ya think of us as family, huh?" he asked, amused.

"No one else could drive me this crazy. Nerds." Emil huffed. He then began to mumble something under his breath about stupid older brothers doing stupid things with their stupid boyfriends at stupid times before Berwald stopped him.

"Where're Mat and Luke?" he asked.

"Probably banging," Emil shrugged again, taking the Hotpockets out of the microwave and giving one to Berwald. "They asked me to make Hotpockets and ran off to their room. What do you need them for, anyway?"

Berwald ignored Emil's guess and sighed. "Owe 'em an apology," he admitted sheepishly, blowing onto his Hotpocket in an effort to cool it down to a more palatable temperature.

"No shit," Emil answered, "maybe we can lure 'em out with Hotpockets."

Sure enough, Mathias came barreling into the kitchen, Lukas hot on his heels, yelling excitedly: "did someone say 'Hotpockets?' God, Emil, you're the best son a father could have!" he ruffled Emil's hair and grabbed Hotpockets for himself and Lukas.

"You're nowhere near old enough to be my dad, Mathias," Emil made a sour face and bit into his own Hotpocket.

"Yeah, but you're Lukas's baby bro and I'm pretty much married to him, so–" a brief smack to the cheek, courtesy of Lukas, halted that statement in its tracks.

"I overheard you saying that you owed us an apology?" asked Lukas, smugness coloring his voice as Mathias rubbed the tingly spot on his cheek. Berwald swore that he saw Mathias blushing.

He shook his head and sighed, shoulders slumping. Such a look of defeat looked odd on the large man. "Yea. Jus' got off th' phone with Tino."

"No kiddin'?" Mathias seemed to have recovered from his injury (if it could be called that) and stared at Berwald, eyes glimmering with genuine interest.

Having three sets of ears suddenly turn on him and attach themselves to everything he was about to say made Berwald think twice about apologizing. _If I can flirt with Tino, I can do this too,_ he reasoned to himself. "Sorry fer bein' a chickenshit," he mumbled, "Y'were right. Should trust m'self more."

Mathias smiled and clapped Berwald on the shoulder. "Eyy, that's m' boy. No worries. I said some pretty nasty stuff, too. Sorry about that," he smiled sheepishly, "best friend?"

Berwald shook his head, thinking back to Emil's notion that they were all family. "No," he said firmly, "brother."

He was teased by the other three for being a big cheese, but it didn't matter, because he knew that everyone else agreed with him that they were family. An odd, ragtag family living above a convenience store on the edge of Chinatown, but a family nonetheless.

* * *

**AN: What's up, sexy nerds?**

**Sorry I haven't been prompt with this fic, things have been majorly hectic around here lately. I finished applying to colleges + interviews + financial aid (which I finally got done today!) so it's eaten up my life a little bit. On top of that, a good friend of mine and I have somehow gotten ourselves a table in the Anime Boston Artist's Alley, and AB is about a month away, so it's crunch time. I still haven't finished my cosplays yet. We're registered in the program as Jayy's Nest, though, so if you want to come, say hi, and maybe buy some of our stuff, you'll know where to find us. ;) **

**I'll be selling print art and loom band bracelets (that's already a bunch of crazy shit right there) and my buddy will be selling her beautiful paper flower corsages and her mini felt plushies and cakes. (like seriously, they're adorable. Buy her stuff.) **

**Boston's where my heart is, yo. I've always wanted to write about Boston. **

**It's a bit odd referring to Madame Susanne as "She" and Berwald as "He" and I'm doing my best to try to keep them tied as the same person. Madame's a bit more forward than our baby Berwald, though. It's the power of high heels. **

**I'm also really proud of what I did with Denmark's drag name. Someone should pat me on the back. **

**I don't see this fic being any longer than 6 or 7 chapters, and I hope you'll all bear with me. **

**Thank you for bearing with me. *heart* **

**XOXO, Jayy**


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